MICHAEL, MY MAGNIFICENT FRIEND

            How will you know that I am finished?
            Really, really
            How will I ever know the answer 
            To that question.... 

            Inside my mind
            Within my heart
            There exists no
                 'Cease'
            No grasping the concept of
                 'I am done.'

            And yet
            If God breathes this word,
                  'STOP'
            On me
            I will accept this from Him
            I will be content in Him
            I will be finished.

            But.....considering my history
            Taking into account my motivation
            Understanding the power of my inspiration
            I would expect that
            You would never be finished 
            Receiving
            Because I will never be finished
            Creating
            Only time will tell
            Only God's time will tell.

                  (An excerpt from the full poem....written by 
                  Michael Jackson.  (c) 5/10/10 Rosalynn Smith)

Ros gave me this excerpt a few years ago when she learned of my friendship with Michael.  I am including it here as well as another poem she recently received from him, and posted on Facebook.  For those who are fans of Michael's, see below:

             NO MATTER WHEN I AM AWAKE

             Nor even when I cannot sleep,
             I am never alone.
             Desolate though my mind may feel,
             My heart knows knows nothing of that care. 
             In my every moment
             I am connected with 
             Others also not asleep
             Others in whom 
             My essence is immersed
             My needs attended to
             Others who
             Even not knowing their names
             Even not seeing their faces -
             Though their faces are in my mind's eye
             Though their names are written on my heart -
             Others whom I love unconditionally
             Who love me equally 
             First and also in return.
             I am blanketed in this affection. 

            For I am not a citizen of some place
            I am a child of the world.

            In sleeplessness
            I turn to them -
            My companions
            Whom neither distance nor unawareness
            Can separate from me - 
            I seek them out
            In delight and in sorrow
            In delight and in fear
            In wonder and in doubt
            They never fail me -
            Never have
            Never will -
            And this 
            I pray they know.

            Across eons and light years of time
            Through burdens inconceivable to bear
            Midst bliss indestructible -
            In this earthbound reality
            They are my only constant
            Not even heaven deigns to intervene
            For we transcended 
            Familiar conventions
            We transcend, still
            In our now, 
            For some while, separate
            Realms. 
            Celebrations rise up for us,
            There and here
            Because 
            We bring delight and comfort
            We offer comfort and hope
            Our voices sing of opportunity
            Our bodies move
            In the dance of possibility
            We confirm love
            Beyond ourselves.
            Unremarkable as we should be
            We are, instead, exquisitely unique.  

            Through all the years there was of me,
            This never changed 
            Except, perhaps, to grow
            In number
            In strength
            In sincerity
            You never changed
            Towards me.
            And I,
            Therefore
            Never knew the pain
            Your absence would have been. 

            You are incomparable gifts
            To my heart
            To my life
            To the fullness of my purpose.
            This is the definition of 
            You for me:
                  Blessing given
                  Hope fulfilled
                  Joy eternal
                  Love requited. 

            Sleep now
            Sweet angels there below
            In peace we meet
            In purpose revel
            No matter that I wake or sleep
            I know your constant presence
            So I am not,
            Not ever....
            Alone.
                     
             Rosalynn Smith (c)2014

                    Michael's beautiful writing ability was not known to many.....except, of course, as it applied to his song lyrics.  Somehow it just did not occur to people that his prose or poetry was from the same well as his lyrics!  When I would tell anyone how wonderful his writing was, they were always surprised.  Why?  He was, in fact, a multi-gifted, multi-faceted individual who was a total Renaissance Man, as it were.  Of course, those who worked with him realized he could sing, dance, write music, create shows, act, and etc.  He also could paint and draw very well (many of his paintings were discovered after his death in a huge storage facility...at an airport which wasn't used much.  He was also very athletic....and had he chosen to do so, could have been an ace runner, tennis pro, etc.  He could DO just about everything, including cook!   I cannot speak for others, only myself.  From the onset I was very impressed by his abilities in music and dance; and although I have considerable ability in the field of music (being a professional musician and performer), I was stunned by how much he knew about music....and he was never FORMALLY schooled!  He had a phenomenal ear and could hear the smallest errors on stage, WHILE performing himself.  He really blew me away!  I have worked with dancers all my life (as piano soloist with the NEW YORK CITY BALLET, PACIFIC NORTHWEST BALLET (in Seattle), and THE ZURICH COMPANY in Switzerland....so am very conversant with dance, particularly classical ballet and the Balanchine repertoire.  I ALWAYS knew exactly how steps were connected to the music, and this particular ability led to my work with George Balanchine, Jerome Robbins, Rudi (Rudolph) Nureyev, etc.  And my ability to sightread music easily was a handy little tool!  I never thought much about it....it was easy for me, so I took it for granted.  I remember remarking to Michael how his ability to pick up choreography at the drop of a hat, fascinated me.  He looked at me in surprise, saying "well, Dianne, it is just how you can look at a piece of music and instantly play it!  That really blows my mind!"  Of course, he did not have a real appreciation of how quickly he did learn dance steps.....(I really wish he could have worked with a choreographer like Jerry Robbins, for example, whose works he could have danced wonderfully, I am sure.  He hadn't trained to be a ballet dancer, and did not want to have the muscular thighs that most male dancers acquire via their training).  No.  Michael wanted the long lean look, so he trained for that type of musculature.  When I watched him work, I always wondered which part of his brain he was using for dance, and which part for music.  (I actually wished I could see inside that brain of his!).  Because he was definitely a mixture of the two.  I have to say I was totally mesmerized  by him and really enjoyed spending time with him.  Apparently he felt the same way about me, so we were very close for quite a while.  Because he was so slender, I thought he didn't eat very much, and sometimes he didn't.  But he had a very healthy appetite as well, and especially loved Thanksgiving type dinners...like chicken or turkey, mashed potatoes with gravy, veggies and salad.  (KFC was also a great favorite.)  Plus chocolate cake!  He definitely had a sweet tooth, although he didn't overindulge in desserts.  We didn't go out to dinner...that would not have worked, for obvious reasons.  (In my opinion, there is such a thing as TOO much fame!  He definitely had WAY too much, and it prevented him from living his life in a more normal fashion.)  However, he took all that in stride, figuring it was the way things were and part of the hand he had been dealt.  However, I worried about him incessantly, and cautioned him to be very careful with people.  (They weren't going to be like his family, for example, or his musicians, or me).  He was such a GOOD person, and would do anything for anyone, no matter who they were.  This was all fine and good, but for him....it led to many problems, as everyone knows.  He represented 'dollar signs' ($$$$) to many people, even some of his staff.  I don't know how he was able to handle it all.  But he did!!  Such a brilliant person, he really  had a beautiful mind.  And he almost never complained.  He did love performing, and the adulation of the crowd energized him.  On stage he went into his own world and just 'did his thing.'  It was a lot of fun to watch him from the wings...when I was there  we used to go back to his hotel, order room service, and watch television!
         The BAD Tour was the one in which he wanted me to be a participant and play keyboard with the other musicians (there were two other keyboard players....one of them was Greg Phillinganes, who had been with him for some time.  Greg was and still is excellent.....he could play anything by ear!   He wasn't a concert pianist, but that didn't matter.)  The tour was slated to be very long, and I was reluctant to commit to such an extensive period of time.  I had concerts scheduled, and didn't want to cancel them.  He understood, but was disappointed and just a little annoyed, I think.  Now when I look back, I wish I HAD gone with him.  He wanted me to move into his house in Encino (Hayvenhurst, it is called) where he and his family lived....along with some exotic animals as well!  I was a little apprehensive (not about the exotic animals, but being in a household with his dad), but Michael assured me that Joseph (as everyone called him) would leave me alone.  That way I could rehearse with him and the other musicians, as well as practice my concert pieces.  (I soon learned that when he had an idea, he visualized everything around it....all possibilities and contingencies.)  He made it all sound so absolutely inviting and possible, that I really had a difficult time making a decision.  His brothers had moved out by then, although the Jackson brothers were often at the house visiting.  (They were all very close to their mother...none more than Michael.) His sisters LaToya and Janet still lived there....Rebbie had left the nest long ago to marry Nathaniel Brown.  The house had been remodeled by Michael, and he owned the deed...and shared that with his mom so she would have something of her own.  (I don't think I have ever met a man who was more devoted to his mother than Michael).  
        He had not yet purchased his Neverland Ranch, but it was in the works.  He had big plans for that property....and drew up countless scenarios and maps.  He talked constantly about it, as it was to be his 'forever' home.  I could hardly wait for it to happen.  He was building a zoo for all his animals, a theater (of course) which included 2 bedrooms (enclosed by glass windows) with hospital type beds for terminally ill children.  Included on the property was to be a Disney-type theme park...with many wonderful rides (including a carousel...my favorite.)  There was going to be a train which ran around the residential part of the property.  He thought of everything....and sometimes would stop what he was doing, (working), and write something down...about that property.  He brought all of his powerful imagination to bear upon the creation of this residence.  The filming of "SAY SAY SAY" had been done on the property....   Paul McCartney and his wife had leased it for a brief time, and Michael was enchanted with it.  When he shared his ideas with me it was like watching a magician create an illusion, because when he described something, one could actually SEE it.  
      At this time his skin color was still dark, although it had lightened considerably.  When he performed, the perspiration on his face caused his makeup to run, and one could see the blotches on his skin.  I know this really caused him misery, but he mostly tried to ignore it.  Unfortunately, many didn't believe he had vitiligo (the skin disorder which causes the pigmentation of the skin to lose its color----white people, for example, become 'albinos') and thought he was trying to become 'white'.  Nothing could have been further from the truth.  Michael was an African American man with curly black hair who was proud of his heritage.  It has always been mystifying to me why he was criticized so viciously for this....and other matters.  He had no control over the color of his skin (any more than you or I do), and would have preferred (if possible) to remain a black American.  It didn't matter to me WHAT color he was; he was just Michael to me.  I told him that....he knew that I loved him as he was.  Black, white, green, or somewhere in between!
        One thing that really bothered him as a young teenager was the size of his nose.  Apparently he had been teased about that as a kid.  So he changed it one day....(this was before I knew him...he told me about it). He said he came home with bandages on his face, and his mother nearly fainted.  Now why that should concern people is beyond me.  Nearly every celebrity (as well as others) frequently have 'nose jobs.'  I personally think he went a bit too far with that nose reduction business, but it WAS his nose.  Why shouldn't he do what he wanted?  He could certainly afford it!  That was the only thing he did to his face, however.   He didn't change his cheekbones, although he did have a cleft put in his chin.  (He liked how that looked on Kirk Douglas!)
        He could not understand the media's fascination with all those personal issues.  What interested him was how someone's mind worked, what they thought, what they accomplished, etc.  He was so far from being small-minded, interested in gossip, or what the tabloids offered.  It bothered me so much to see what people actually wrote about him.  Most of it was nonsense....fabricated lies, just to sell magazines or newspapers.  I recall reading one of those terrible magazines and then throwing it on the floor!  I was so irate!  Michael just said....'don't worry about all that.  I don't.' And then he threw the magazine away.  That is how he was!  It seemed to me that the press builds a person up one minute only to tear them down the next.  That was what happened to him.  He went from being the darling of the pop music world to being criticized for everything he did (and then some).  I HATED it!!!  (It was then that I remembered Mr. Balanchine telling me in the elevator in the New York State Theater not to put too much stock in any review I might get.  I had just played in Alice Tully Hall and received a marvelous review.  He said "if you believe the Good ones, then you have to believe the Bad.  Best to believe nothing, and just do your work!"  Wise man!  I told Michael exactly what Mr. Balanchine had said to me...and he said the same thing..."he is right...you can only believe in yourself."  Oh Boy!  I learned something that day about Michael.  What a strong character he was!
       I recall that on the day he passed, I had to go to work at PNB....didn't want to....but had to.  My eyes were all red and I couldn't stop crying.  One of the girls asked me what was wrong, and I said, "Michael Jackson died yesterday, and I don't think I can handle it."  Another girl said to me..."Dianne, I hope you are not TOO upset."  Too upset?  What is that anyway?   I just looked at her and said, "I am more upset than you can possibly imagine."  Of course, they didn't know what my history with him had been, so when anyone began to talk about him, I just quietly said that it would be better NOT to talk about him to me, especially if it is negative.  So they all left me alone....which is what I wanted.  Just being around people that day was too much!  I went home that night and decided NOT to work the next day.  I needed to be alone!   (And as I write this, I can feel the tears begin.)
       Michael loved music SO much....more than any other musician I have ever met.  He could listen for hours!  This is classical music I am talking about!  He adored Tchaikovsky, Debussy, Ravel, and many other composers.  One of his favorite pieces of music was NUTCRACKER!!!  When he told me that, I laughed so hard!   Of course, he didn't know that I had played Nutcracker at Christmas time for rehearsals for the ballet...and also played in the orchestra....(for years,) and practically knew the score by heart.  When I told him that, he asked me to play some of it on the piano.....he had never heard NUTCRACKER played on the piano, only orchestral recordings.  So of course, I obliged.....I happened to have the score at home!  (I don't think anyone else could have persuaded me to play Nutcracker at home on the piano).  He was absolutely transfixed by my adaptation of the score to the piano....and wanted me to keep playing!  That day I played most of it for him....can you believe it?  I still laugh to myself when I think of that day!  He also adored AFTERNOON OF A FAUN by Debussy....plus some other music of Debussy.  He asked me to play those pieces as well.  And Ravel, and Bach.  Which I did, of course.  So I ended up playing a great deal of music for him on that occasion.  He was an excellent audience!  On one of those musical days, I asked him to sing BEN for me....and I accompanied him.  I shall never forget that!   
        Sometimes he would get a faraway look in his eyes, and I would know that a song or some piece of music was coming to him.  (And at times he would wake up with a piece of music already done in his head!)  One of those times, I ran to get my staff paper and pencil, and asked him to sing the melody to me....and I wrote down what he sang instantly.  He would have the entire piece in his head....the instrumentation, the lead vocals, the vocal harmonies, words, percussion....everything.  His ability to sing every part into a tape machine is well-known (with the rhythm in there as well)....beat boxing, it is called.....but it was very fascinating to actually hear him do this.  When he recorded a song, he would sing all the harmonies to his own vocals one by one....and remember ALL the others he had just recorded.  This is NOT easy.  All the vocals were absolutely spot on.  He had perfect pitch...(the innate knowing of the pitches of all notes).  I have this ability as well......it is not so common.  Many musicians do NOT have this particular talent.  It is a huge asset in performing, and is very helpful in taking musical dictation.  I have to say here that he was like a water tap....when the tap was turned on, music just poured out.  Every day I learned something new about him.  
        When I watch performances of Michael's now, and hear how many speak about him, I am once again reminded of his actual being.  I always had a slight problem reconciling the REAL person with the huge star and performer that he was.  In fact, I almost never thought about how famous he was during our relationship.  It just didn't come up.  [That is how it is with anyone whom you know personally, and who happens to be a world renowned artist.  George Balanchine comes to mind...who was the Director and Chief Choreographer for the New York City Ballet (and my 'boss.'), Jerry (Jerome) Robbins one of the world's foremost choreographers...and creator of West Side Story, Rudolph (Rudi) Nureyev... who was the most famous ballet dancer of our time, etc.  They all worked hard at their craft, as did I...and we all worked together.]  It was the same with Mike...he worked extremely hard at his craft...and often recorded a song 20 + times to get it 'right.'  He also would 'run through' his shows (on non-performance days) at least twice.  He would do all his numbers 'full-out'...and expected the others to do the same.  Michael didn't act like a big star in these instances....he behaved as if he had not yet reached that pinnacle!  He believed in rehearsing, that was for sure....he knew that repetition was the key to a perfect or near-perfect performance.   (That was how he was raised...he learned all this as a child.  Work, work, work!!!)  When dancers I know complain of constant rehearsals, I want to tell them about Michael...no one ever worked harder than he did.  He wasn't conscious of the effect he had on people, in fact he was quite shy.  I believe he appreciated that I didn't fall to the floor in a dead faint, whenever I was around him!  When I read what people, especially women write about him, I laugh to myself.  It seems so silly to be ga-ga over anybody...star or not...that is my feeling anyway.  Michael was a man....a real one, with bona fide feelings and issues.  He was not perfect, but was nearer to perfection than most.  
         He had a fabulous sense of humor, and laughed easily, sometimes with a wicked cackle.  (That always made me laugh!)  Sometimes he could be very silly, but it was always fun!  And he loved to tease....I recall the time when he chased me around with a spider (quite a large one) in a little box.  (He, of course, was not afraid of any insect, snake, or animal).  I  screamed and tried to get away, but he caught me...(he was faster), and put the spider on my hand.  Ugh!!!  I didn't like that much, but he thought it was hysterically funny!  (My own brother used to do that to me...I detested spiders.) 
          Michael was always drawn to spiritual issues and wrote a great deal about such matters.  His book, DANCING THE DREAM is a case in point.  I have been reading that book again, and marvel at how his words could clarify and elucidate.  I am including a short poem here:
                                BREAKING FREE 
            
             All t1his hysteria, all this commotion
             Time, space, energy are just a notion
             What we have conceptualized we have created
             All those loved, all those hated. 

             Where is the beginning, where's the end
             Time's arrow, so difficult to bend
             Those broken promises, what they meant
             Those love letters, never sent.  

He wrote a great deal about the planet....and composed the song: EARTH SONG.....begging people to be mindful of the damage before it is too late.  (This was one of his last performances (DR) in the Staples Center near the end of his life.)  He spoke to the entire cast....saying that "we had 4 years to get it right before it is too late."  That was in 2009....and now it is nearly 5 years later.....is it too late?  Considering the past winter in all parts of the world, I wonder.  Michael was a visionary....and he could see what most could NOT.  He also wrote, "we've been treating Mother Earth the way some people treat a rental apartment.  Just trash it and move on."  AND "we have to heal our wounded world.  The chaos, despair, and senseless destruction we see today are a result of the alienation that people feel from each other and their environment.  Often this alienation has its roots in an emotionally deprived childhood.  Children have had their childhood stolen from them.  A child's mind needs the nourishment of mystery, magic, wonder, and excitement.  I want my work to help people rediscover the the child that's hiding in them."
         He also wrote about God, Love, Ecstasy, Trust, Magic.  "My idea of magic doesn't have much to do with stage tricks and illusions.  The whole world abounds in magic...."  And he wrote about Animals (there is an especially lovely story about a baby seal), Elephants (he loved elephants), Heaven, Angels, Stars, Music and Dance.
                               HOW I MAKE MUSIC 

         "People ask me how I make music.   I tell them I just step into it.  It's like stepping into a river and joining the flow.  Every moment in the river has its song.  So I stay in the moment and listen.  What I hear is never the same.  A walk through the woods brings a light, crackling song:  Leaves rustle in the wind, birds chatter, and squirrels scold, twigs crunch underfoot, and the beat of my heart holds it all together.  When you join the flow, the music is inside and outside, and both are the same.  As long as I can listen to the moment, I'll always have music."
          I am very sure that wherever he is now, he has music....and is no doubt composing.  While writing this, I am listening to the latest CD release.....XSCAPE, which is wonderful.  And I watched the documentary of L.A. Reid, Rodney Jerkins, and the others who worked on this CD.  (Rodney said he had dreamed that he would work with Michael, before he met him.  And that came true).  He told Michael....and MJ said..."dreams almost always come true."  The day before he passed, I dreamed of it.  That was NOT a nice dream....and it came true.  I feel very close to him...and not a day goes by when I don't think about him.  His humanitarian instincts AND actions seemed to know no bounds.  That generous and lovely man was like NO other, and I miss him dreadfully.  When someone says anything negative about him, I really have to restrain myself.  I think the look on my face is enough to stop further remarks....scowling seems to work!  It is gratifying that this new CD has been released.  Michael would have wanted that....he was anxious for his work to be heard...and preserved, and he was so prolific.  (like a water tap, as I said before).  He wrote many, many songs for each of his albums so there would be a large choice....and only a fraction of them were used, for whatever reason.   I do know that he was headed in a classical direction....(with a beat)....and he wanted to study music in a more formal way....learning music theory, formalization of composition, anatomy of music, which composers did what and why, etc.  I could have helped him with all of that.  (Not that he needed it...but he wanted to KNOW.)  I wanted him to compose some music for me to play on the piano, in a concert.  Although he hadn't gotten around to it, I knew that something was germinating in his brain, because when I asked him about it on the phone, he just laughed and said..."all in good time, girl, all in good time."  Well, it is about time now....I do think!  Maybe something will come drifting down!  One never knows!!!

         

        
     

 

FURTHER STORIES AND ADVENTURES WITH THE NYCB (Chapter 21)

       The following stories are from my memory of events, rehearsals, and trips...such as the filming in Berlin of many of Mr. Balanchine's ballets.  I shall begin with that particular event...in 1973. 
        We were transported to Berlin, Germany, having rehearsed all the ballets to be filmed in New York City.  I remember there were many rehearsals, and very long days in preparation for this.  I was scheduled to be on various sets for many of the works, and additionally would be filmed in LIEBESLIEDER WALZER as well.  Therefore, my beautiful dress was packed along with the costumes in the wardrobe trunks.  However, my duo-partner, (Gordon Boelzner) and I were required to record the music IN BERLIN ahead of time for the filming.   Thus we left a few days early to do this.  At this time Gordon and I were getting along very well....and as I had not yet played a major concert in New York City, while working for the company...he had no issue with me.  We arrived in Berlin, checked into our hotel, which was nice and very clean.  Since the next day was the beginning of the recording session, I went to bed early, in order to be alert and energetic.  Neither of us had any idea about the quality of the singers that would be recording these songs with us.  (It would have been nice if we could have selected them ourselves, but somehow that wasn't part of the plan.....BIG MISTAKE!)  We left the hotel quite early and were transported by taxi to the recording studio, which turned out to be in East Berlin.  I have to mention here that the difference between East and West Berlin was astounding.  I could not believe the dismal and depressing landscape of the Eastern half of the city....much of it was destroyed.  (During one outing we all took a tour to East Berlin and attended a show there....I will tell that story a bit later.)  Anyway we began by rehearsing the songs....and discovered that while 3 of the singers were proficient, the 4th one (a bass) was not up to par.  It took a bit of time for him to rise to the occasion, so to speak.  He seemed not to notice repeat signs, for one thing.  Therefore, we decided to rehearse one song at a time, and then record it immediately.  This process seemed to work well....as the singers wouldn't have to remember musical details for long!  Some songs took longer than others, of course.  It was a very tedious process, as recording often is, and we wanted the final result to be as perfect as possible.  The first recording session lasted all day....some 12 hours.  Both of us were exhausted after that day, not to mention jet lag.  The next day was much the same, although that same bass constantly made mistakes, making it necessary to repeat and repeat his particular songs.  (Why can't singers read music anyway?  I have always wondered this.  Not ALL singers, of course, but many.)  We had to edit the tapes after all recording was finished, which took several hours.  I could see this was going to be no easy matter.  One of the producers dropped in on the recording session to see how we were progressing.  I told him about the one singer who had slowed down the entire process.  I thought he should know that whoever had chosen the singers had made a grave error.  He just told me to do the best we could....ha!  What a wonderful piece of advice that was!  As if we wouldn't do the best we could.  (We were professionals, those singers were NOT!) 
        The next day rehearsals began for several ballets on various sets.  LIEBESLIEDER was not scheduled for filming until the following week, so I was free to work on other works with Rosemary and Mr. B: namely, STARS AND STRIPES, CONCERTO BAROCCO, and SYMPHONY IN C.  While I don't remember the exact order of the filming, I do recall the long hours.  The German producers were watching rehearsals and told the boys to jump VERY high, indicating with their arms exactly HOW high! 
       During one lunch break I walked outside to view the sights....and noticed a tall storage tank tower.  I asked one of the producers what that was, and he told me!  It was a GAS storage tank used for the extermination of all those poor people during World War II all those years ago.  And it was still here!  This site was one of the main camps where that happened, and here we were filming ballets!  I was so appalled and horrified that I immediately went inside to avoid looking at that tower! 
       The scheduling for LIEBESLIEDER went up...we were to rehearse the ballet the next day, and then begin filming on the following day.  We were scheduled to report for makeup on that day.....(8 dancers, 4 singers, 2 pianists) in one of the tents.  I reported very early, and have photos of my make-up sessions as well as Gordon's.  As there were a total of 14 people to be made up, the process took a while.  Our filming didn't start until after lunch, and by then we were really ready to begin!  Even though the music had been pre-recorded, Gordon and I played along with the tape.  It is hard to fake playing the piano, without actually doing it.  At one point, two of the dancers asked us to play a certain section a bit faster!  We just looked at them and said that the music is recorded....this is it!  We cannot change the tempo!  I was laughing, and so were the others.  I guess we were very convincing with our acting (playing).  Funny!
       We were scheduled to be in Berlin for 6 weeks to accomplish the filming.....so there were a number of 'outings' arranged for us.  One of these was a trip to East Berlin to see an opera.  I was very interested in this, although many were not.  I vaguely remember the opera was CARMEN....which has so many familiar and beautiful arias.  With these melodies floating through my head, I was cheerfully looking forward to this excursion. 
       We were taken by bus to the theater in East Berlin.  I had heard so much about the BERLIN WALL, and here it was!  (We were told NOT to take pictures of this piece of history)...just like in the Soviet Union.) We were also instructed not to make any trouble or cause problems as the USA had no official jurisdiction there..(in case someone was arrested!)  East Berlin was just plain depressing, much like the area surrounding the recording studio).  The theater was NOT lovely, but very utilitarian looking.  There was coffee for sale in paper cups, which wasn't too bad and some odd soft drinks.  I opted for the coffee and a strange cookie.  THEN we learned that the opera we thought was being offered, had been changed the day before.  The new performance was ANATEVKA (Fiddler on the Roof)!!  As you may know, this production was choreographed and directed by Jerry Robbins!!!  Of course we stayed and watched the performance...we were, obviously, already there!  Mr. Balanchine was most amused when he found that we had all been treated to a Jerry Robbins show!  Ha!  I had seen many of Jerry's Broadway  productions...he was definitely a genius in this area.  The fact that he had transitioned into classical dance was (when I think about it) nothing short of amazing!  A multi-talented individual....he never stopped creating dance of some sort.  Although he could be very difficult at times....well, what can one say?  He had his demons, but I respected him immensely.  Mr. B used to make a little joke involving Jerry....he would say to the dancers, "you better behave, or I'll send Jerry in here!"   That usually did the trick!  Oddly enough, after I put my foot down regarding his treatment of me, we became good friends.  I was invited to many parties at his home on the East side.  He knew everyone, and I remember meeting Liza Minelli there on one occasion.  Of course, Lenny (Bernstein) was often present as well. Most of these people attended my Tully Hall Concert...Jerry brought many of his friends!  That was the milieu in which I lived and worked.  
        When the filming finished, we all breathed a sigh of relief.  It had been a difficult process, and sometimes things got a bit heated.  I remember that in NYC the LIEBESLIEDER WALZER film was actually shown in a movie theater on Broadway in the 70's (think it was the Embassy Theater)....and several of us went to see it!  How much fun it was to see ourselves on the big screen!  There were many close-ups of my hands and face, as well as everyone else's.  I had always wanted to be in film...and voila!  Here it was!
         

ANOTHER STORY: ADVENTURES WITH THE NYCB (Chapter 20)

         This episode centers on the trip to the Soviet Union, by the NYCB...many years ago, of course.   I remember Mr. Balanchine asking me if I would like to go on this tour, and I said...."oh yes, of course I would."  And then he said, "why is that, deeeer?"  I tried to explain that I had never been to Russia and wanted to see that country (actually I had never been to Europe at that time).   He stood there looking at me with a bemused expression on his face.  He loved to question a person with the object (I thought) of making one uncomfortable.  But actually I learned that he REALLY WAS curious about what made someone 'tick.'  I waited for him to tell me I could NOT go, when he said "well, I think you should come and play one of the performances of RUBIES."  (I will relate the details of THAT performance later.)  I was absolutely delighted to be going....it was my first year in the company and everything was new....including many of the ballets and the music.  I found out which ballets would be taken, and began practicing the scores at home, so I would know them well.  And, of course, I began to practice the score of CAPRICCIO FOR PIANO AND ORCHESTRA, (Rubies) by Stravinsky again.  I had performed it several times in the State Theater, and had Mr. B's blessing for my efforts.  
        Since we would be traveling to several locales in Russia and performing in the largest theaters there, I began researching these cities.  The first place would be Kiev, in the Ukraine.  We would also visit Leningrad, Tblisi, and Moscow plus two cities in Poland: Lodz and Warsaw.    I also began the process of selecting clothes for this trip, as I knew it would be quite cold and only become colder, especially after 6 weeks.  We had many lectures from various people advising us on what to bring and on what NOT to bring.  (Toilet paper was strongly advised, for example).
We were allowed one small trunk, to be shared by two people.  My partner in this was going to be Jerry Zimmerman.   I decided that my clothing could be packed in the suitcases, plus one pair of shoes.  My long dresses, heavy fur coat and boots would be taken in the wardrobe crates-----this was offered to us.  Having heard about the food there, or rather...lack of it...Jerry and I decided to pack our trunk (foot locker actually) with many canned goods....such as tunafish, heavily pasteurized/ sterilized half and half, boxes of crackers, nuts, canned juices and fruits, and of course, toilet paper!  We also brought coffee from Zabar's and a coffee maker.  (Thank goodness we did, as the coffee in the Soviet Union was hideous!)  I wasn't interested in bringing wine or any kind of liquor....although many did.  I remember buying cans of tomato juice, orange juice, grapefruits and juice, dried fruits....and when I came to the checkout stand, I was asked if I were planning a trip to Russia!  The person thought he was making a joke, but when I answered..."why yes, how did you know?" he looked at me with a stunned expression.  Hmmm.  Our preparedness was very fortuitous indeed.  I never could have foreseen that I would literally LIVE on tuna fish, hard-boiled eggs I purchased in the canteens, and crackers!  As far as music scores were concerned, I brought all of those with me in my carry-on luggage.  I would be able to do without some clothing, but NOT without the music!  (That has always been my motto:  Music with me, and clothes in the suitcases.)  Plus I also brought my hot plate, hair dryer, cups and plates, utensils, and electricity converter.  Jerry and I talked every night on the phone after rehearsals, to go over our combined lists.  I don't think anyone else put as much thought into food as we did, and was I glad we had.  (While we were there, our trunk of food became the envy of many people...well, they hadn't thought enough about their choices, had they?  I remember one of the conductors (Hugo) coming to my room to ask me if he could purchase some nuts from me!  Actually he wanted to trade a bottle of scotch for a few packages of nuts!  But I didn't like scotch, and I DID like nuts, so I very politely refused the trade.  (He wanted several boxes of nuts, and there was no way I was going to do that, although I did give him one box, I think.  But I told Jerry, that was the end of that.  We weren't a store!   He agreed totally).  By the time we finished packing our trunk it was VERY HEAVY!  But no worries.....we didn't have to carry it.  (One of the perks of traveling with a ballet company was the luggage was all handled by porters, etc.  One had only to get it to the place of departure....the buses carrying us to the airport, and from that point on, you didn't have to worry about it until arrival at your destination.  I have toured with either the NYCB, Zurich Company, or Pacific Northwest Ballet since 1971....many, many years.  When traveling alone I miss the convenience and luxury of having one's luggage looked after by others.  
        I do recall the hair-raising taxi ride to the airport....for some reason we didn't go on buses, but separate cabs.  It scared me to death and I thought our lives would soon be over.  Never mind the Trans-Atlantic flight coming up!   Obviously we made it there in one piece, more or less.  To distract myself I went over the list of items we had packed in the trunk....a useless exercise, but it did occupy my mind during that horrendous ride!  We got ourselves checked in, and from this point all luggage would be handled by the airline personnel, so I decided to just relax and enjoy my Bloody Mary at the bar with the others.  The entire company and NYCB staff were on one flight, including Mr. Balanchine.  I have to say we just took over the plane, as there were so many of us.  The hapless other passengers had to put up with a few shenanigans, I'm afraid.  
        Our first port of call was KIEV in the Ukraine.  We were scheduled to be there for a week....as well as for all other cities.   I was very excited to be starting this great adventure; it was my very first tour!  Upon arrival we went through some sort of customs point, and then got on a bus.  That took forever, as I recall, so one by one the dancers got OFF THE BUS and were just milling around.  Of  course, this upset the Ukranian Officials, who came running out and told us in no uncertain terms to GET BACK ON THE BUS!  (I am sure they thought us unruly Americans.) I found the airport to be very strange looking....as if we were on another planet!  Well, in one sense we were.  Russia was a very foreign place (certainly to me).  I had my camera out and was taking some photographs, when one of the officials noticed this, and came up to me...and slapped my camera out of my hand...saying: "Nyet, Nyet".  No cameras! (in English).  I retrieved my camera (he didn't take it away from me), and put it back into my purse.  Apparently no photographs were allowed at ANY airport, or government buildings.  (Pity about that!)  
       Upon arrival at the hotel which looked quite nice actually, we all got off the bus and trudged into the hotel lobby.  They had the rooms ready (which is not always the case in European hotels) and we received our room keys in due course.  My roommate was Lynda Yourth, a solo dancer with the company.  By prearrangement, she had also brought coffee from Zabars, so we were ready.  Jerry would come to our room in the morning and have coffee with us, as he had participated in the coffee purchase.  The first thing I did was purchase much bottled water, as we had been told NOT to drink the water in that country, nor brush one's teeth with water from the tap in the bathroom sink.  So a lot of bottled water was necessary.  Several of us took a short walk outside as it was sunny, but quite chilly.  I was glad I had brought my fur coat (packed in the wardrobe containers).  But for the moment my NYCB Tour jacket sufficed.  
        We returned to the hotel and learned that dinner was being served momentarily.  Wondering what kind of food we would be served, I went into the dining room.  Hmmm.  Well, the food was nothing to write home about, but apparently this was about as good as it would get.  I remember John Taras saying to me, "better eat, Dianne.  It all goes downhill from here!" There was a rather tasteless soup with a meatball in it, which did not look very appetizing, but I managed to eat part of it.  (It was a very LARGE meatball.)  The bread and butter were very good, and the ice cream was excellent.  There was wine, (not good), and the coffee?  Well, no comment.  It was horrible!  (Thank goodness for the trunkload of food we had brought with us.)  
        I went upstairs to my room, and treated myself to a small glass of tomato juice.  Having managed to procure a bit of vodka in the dining area....added it to the juice, and voila....a BLOODY MARY!!!   Plus a few nuts to go with the after dinner drink.  Fortunately I had brought many boxes of nuts with me. 
        So we had arrived safely, eaten and now were ready to sleep.  (A note about the beds:  they were much like cots, and very hard....not comfortable at all.)  There was an orchestra rehearsal the next morning, plus ballet rehearsals somewhere.  I forgot to mention the ladies on every floor, who 'presided' over the room keys...and the rooms.  So every time you left, you gave her your room key, and then upon return, asked her for it!  This was every SINGLE time!  What a rigamarole!  But that was the way it was, and one had better follow the rules....I could see that. 
       The remainder of the week passed uneventfully, more or less.  The usual dust-ups, casting problems, etc.  (A word about the bathrooms:  not a good situation, I'm afraid.  I understood why toilet paper was SO important.  The T.P. was not useable.  It resembled waxed paper, if you can imagine!  And the bathrooms were just awful!  Something like two footprints and a hole.  Ugh....even now when I get a feeling of disgust when I recall them.  I wondered why the theaters and studios didn't have more modern facilities.....seemed very strange.) The performances all went very well...so far so good.  I didn't play with the orchestra in Kiev...my first performance would be in Moscow.  But of course, I played class and rehearsals. 
        The next stop was Leningrad, I believe....(although I could be wrong about the order).  Now this was such an historic city....and I was looking forward to our proposed tour of the Winter Palace and other places of interest.  Our hotel there was quite all right, and the beds were better.  Same little ladies on every floor of the hotel, apparently this was par for the course.  
Upon arrival at the Kirov School, we found the studios had 'raked' floors.  This was to prepare dancers to perform on the raked stages of the Maryinski Theater.  (It means that the floors are slanted....highest point in back slanting DOWN to the lowest point in front.) Many of the dancers were finding it quite challenging to do pirouettes on these floors.  (Balance is very different...and difficult to negotiate).  So there were a great deal of pirouette combinations, and practicing of turns.  I have to say that the pianos were really excellent everywhere I played.... either Steinways, Bosendorfers. or Petrovs.   That was VERY nice for a change.  Dinner (food was a huge focal point) was much the same type of food....the same veggies, salad, and some kind of 'mystery' meat!  (That was our term for it.)  I ate mostly salad and bread, plus ice cream again.  The 'mystery' meat was not appetizing at all.  
       A word about the planes that carried us from city to city within the country:  they were all small and very OLD!  (I wondered if they were left over from WW II).  Anyway, several planes were needed to transport the entire company. I remember Violette and Melissa reading Thanksgiving recipes to the people on their respective planes.  Thank goodness for those stalwart women....who were not afraid of anything...they were such a boost for all of us!  And they were funny as well....I remember laughing so hard at Milly's reading of a recipe.  It was hysterical!  The planes carried a few Russian passengers who emitted a peculiar odor....since deodorant was not a commodity that many possessed!  I remember John Taras (who was seated in front of me) getting out his bottle of cologne and spraying it around his area and mine (trying his best to be discreet about it!).  Then lunch arrived.  Hmmm.  The plate of food was about as dreadful looking as one could imagine.  There was a dried out piece of chicken, and an apple with a WORMHOLE in it!  I remember looking at that and wondering what was going on!   I wanted to eat the apple, so I removed the wormhole from the apple, and cut it up to make sure there was no worm in it. (I can just hear the guffaws here...but I WAS hungry.)  I shall never forget some of these experiences....which only made my appreciation of our American way of life more profound.   
       The best part of the Leningrad visit was the tour of the Winter Palace.  It was magnificent!  The artwork alone was worth the price of admission....and the rooms!  They were exquisite!  I was so in awe of the artisans who had handcrafted everything.  And the Maryinski Theater was absolutely gorgeous.  It was all done in blue velvet with gold trim.  (The Bolshoi Theater in Moscow used red and gold in that theater, and although we didn't perform there, we went to see it.)  These theaters are very well-known throughout the world, as being the home of the Kirov and Bolshoi Ballet Companies.   
         Our next stop was the city of Tblisi located in Georgia....the southern part of the country.  It was here that my good friend, Marilee, became very ill.  The doctors there could not figure out what was wrong with her...although she was taken to hospital twice.  (It turned out that she had contracted some type of parasite, ingested with food or water.  But that was only discovered back in America.)  On this particular day, she wanted to get up and walk around, so we ventured out.  We were walking in the city, and started to cross a busy street.  Not easy....the drivers seemed to be intent on running down any passenger in the crosswalk!  I remember the light turning red for us, so I literally dragged her across the street to avoid being hit.  Upon returning to the hotel, I called Barbara and informed her of Marilee's condition.  She should probably not have been up and about, but fortunately we made it back in one piece.  By the way, the doctor who had accompanied us on tour, was totally incompetent.  He was nearly senile, in my opinion, and I wondered WHY he had been allowed to come on this tour.  He had brought only aspirins with him, if you can believe that!  Anyway it was decided that Marilee was just too ill to continue on the tour, so she was sent back to NYC on the next available flight.  Poor girl, she was really scared.  I seem to remember that Eddie Villella was also returning to NYC on the same flight....not because he was ill, but he had concerts to which he had committed himself, and that was a condition to which the NYCB had agreed.  So he was only present for about half the tour.  I do remember the food in Tblisi....there was a great deal of cheese served at every meal, which was very salty.  Plus the usual salad, potatoes, carrots and cabbage again.  But no 'mystery meat' for once.  The big problem was the lack of suitable beverages.  I couldn't drink the wine, coffee was hideous, as well as tea, and water was suspect.  Plus the sodas there were virtually undrinkable.  Sometimes I drank vodka, which made me tipsy.  So when I returned to my room, I ate tuna fish, a hard-boiled egg, and crackers, plus juice.  That was dinner!  Breakfast was always Zabar's coffee, (w/half and half), and bread from the dining room. The aroma of brewing coffee wafting from our room attracted many interested parties to our door!  I didn't know what to do about that....sometimes I gave a cup of coffee to people, and sometimes I didn't.  Some gave me money for the coffee, although I had not asked.  
       Our last stop was Moscow....and since the US Embassy was located there, we were quite sure a decent meal would be afforded us at some point.  And indeed that was true!  I remember the evening we were served STEAK, MASHED POTATOES, GREEN BEANS, and CAESAR SALAD!!!  Wow!  Everyone was overjoyed!!  It has been a long time since we had eaten anything good or familiar, so you can imagine the joyous outbursts this repast produced. We were even served red wine!  I recall being so grateful for this I almost cried.  
       I want to mention some of the performances: I was scheduled to play RUBIES (Stravinsky's Capriccio for Piano and Orchestra) in Moscow.  My rehearsal with the orchestra had gone quite well, even though they had never played this piece.   In fact, none of the Soviet orchestras were conversant with Stravinsky's music!  I found this mystifying....apparently his music had been banned years before.  BUT this was the NYCB, and George BALANCHINE, so the ban had been lifted.  The piano had been placed toward the back of the orchestra, and the pit was HUGE.  It was important that I be able to see Robert easily, which I could in the rehearsal.  However, as it turned out, during the performance I could NOT see him, because the bass players who were all around me kept wandering around the pit.  They had been drinking and could care less if I could see or not!  I tried to communicate with a couple of them to PLEASE not stand in front of me, but to no avail.  And because the pit was so wide, it took longer for the sound to travel, so I couldn't depend on my ear.  What an experience that was!  Actually considering the difficult circumstances I did quite well.  (Robert complimented me on my coping skills).  But I was very happy when the piece finished...as you can well imagine!
        Another memorable visit comes to mind as I write this.  We three pianists had requested a visit to the famed Tchaikovsky Conservatory of Music while in Moscow.  So the day came when we were taken to this well-known music establishment to see first-hand a piano lesson, lecture, and a student recital.  I was very interested in this, as I had long thought this Music Academy was the best in the world.  It did not take long for me to be disabused of this notion.  The music taught there did not go much beyond the eras of Rachmaninoff, Prokovieff, Rimsky-Korsakoff, and other Russian composers.  No contemporary music, very little Ravel, Debussy or other Impressionists.  I couldn't believe it....and asked one of the pianists there who spoke English, why there was no 20th Century Music taught (remember this was 1971).  And he told me that most contemporary music was not allowed to enter the Soviet Union!  What a shock!  Hmmm.  That was the end of my fantasy about the Tchaikovsky Conservatory of Music!  I was so grateful for having been born in America where one could study anything, and there were no such restrictions!  I had attended one of the best Conservatories in the world...and it was then that I realized how fortunate I was!
       On one of the 'free' days, I decided to venture out by myself  into the city.  (BAD decision, I soon learned).  I was confident that I could negotiate the subway system alone, having studied the map extensively.  What I had not realized was that I would need to understand the operator's vocal commonds, such as the name of the stops.  This I could not do, so on the return, missed my stop for the hotel.  When I realized my mistake I got off the subway, but nothing looked familiar.  (Panic set in, and I tried to ask people the name of the hotel, but no one could understand me.)  Not good!  So I started walking  but didn't know where I was going.  However, luck was with me, and I meandered onto a street that led to the hotel street.  And then I FOUND the hotel....which was a block long.  (Hard to miss...if you know the name of the street).  But that was the end of my solo excursions within the city of Moscow.  I do have to say that the subways were Very Clean and Very Beautiful...with chandeliers hanging in the corridors, if you can imagine that!
       Jerry Z. and I decided to go shopping the next day....and we found some wonderful stores which only catered to foreigners like us.  I purchased several Russian lacquer boxes, little wooden toys, and a replica of the Russian Bear!  I also found gorgeous fur hats, and bought several, including one for my brother!  I still have the boxes, toys, and hats.  And while Seattle is not usually very cold, I find occasions on which to wear those hats.  
        Most of us elected to attend the Russian circus in Moscow, which was fantastic.  If you ever have a chance to see that circus, don't miss the opportunity.  I also attended SWAN LAKE and NUTCRACKER at the Bolshoi Theater.  Nutcracker is often performed throughout the year; not just at Christmas time, as in America.  I saw some incredible dancers there, and was able to attend a master class of Vaganova which (even though I am not a dancer) I enjoyed immensely.  
       We also visited Red Square, where St. Basil's is located.  This is one of the most colorful examples of architecture there.   I elected to visit many churches and cathedrals, where much of the artwork of the great masters is displayed.  I remember riding on a bus (with Jerry, I think) and NO one was talking or smiling, even a little.  These people were the most sober individuals I had ever seen.  Almost scary.  While I was in Moscow, I met a young man who spoke very good English, and he invited me to dinner!  So I accepted the invitation, and had a wonderful evening.  He asked me if I could possibly procure an American visa for him!  I suppose people think that any American should be able to do something like that.  I told him that I wasn't involved in the government, and so wouldn't be able to do such a thing.  He told me many things about life in his country, and how he wanted so much to live in the west....where things were freer.  I didn't want to discourage him, but I wondered exactly what he thought went on in America.   The Hollywood films don't exactly give an accurate portrayal of life in the USA....I tried to tell him that...but don't know if he understood me.  I often wonder what happened to him. 
        We had two more cities to visit.....Lodz and Warsaw.  (about 75 miles apart).  Many of the buildings there were very colorful...and pretty.  I remember breakfast on the first day in Warsaw:  it was Scrambled Eggs...with toast!  And they tasted so good!  Having eaten a diet of hard-boiled eggs for so long, the scrambled eggs were just divine!  And there was Coca Cola as well as coffee!   I hadn't had a soft drink in so long, that the Coca Cola was a huge treat!  I elected to drink coke over coffee that day.  While in Warsaw Jerry, Gordon and I visited Chopin's home...and I remember playing the piano in that house....(I have a photo of myself in a fur coat doing so).  I also collected a few rocks from the garden there to bring home.  I still have those little rocks; they are in one of my Russian boxes on top of my piano here.  It is unlikely that I will ever return to Russia for a visit, although one never knows.  
       Upon returning to NYC, I was pleasantly surprised to learn that, thanks to my diet of hard-boiled eggs and tuna fish for 6 weeks, I had lost 25 pounds.  Now THAT is definitely something to write home about!!!  
      

FURTHER ADVENTURES WITH THE NEW YORK CITY BALLET (Chapter 18)

        I concluded my previous blog chapter with my departure from the NYCB, and now need to backtrack to tell a few more stories (not in any specific order).  
         This one begins on a certain day that my mother was due to arrive for a visit to attend my upcoming Alice Tully Hall Recital.  Her visits always made me a bit nervous for some reason, and this one was no exception.  I left my apartment in a hurry, wearing heeled boots, as the weather was cold and rainy.  I played class, and then started my first rehearsal with Rosemary....and then suddenly remembered I had left my stove on, as I had been boiling some eggs.  OOPS!!  That could be a disaster, so I asked Rosie if I could be excused immediately to go home (nearby) and turn off the stove I had left on.  She very kindly excused me, and I ran home (even with the boots).  Returning to the theater some 15 minutes later (wasn't that fast?), I entered the Main Hall to continue my rehearsal.  It was on the 5th floor, and the Music Room was on the floor beneath (4th); for the next rehearsal I needed another piece of music. So I ran down the stairs to retrieve the music, and then running up the stairs again, I fell flat on my face.  In doing so, I broke the heel off one boot, which made walking a bit difficult.  But I limped into the Main Hall again, explained to Rosemary what had happened, and sat down at the piano.  WELL!!!  This day was not beginning well at all, and I was trying to think of a way I could skip the rest of my schedule and go home!  
         My next rehearsal was on stage with Mr. Balanchine.....SERENADE....which, at that time, I did not know well at all.  (So I was a bit nervous, and would have preferred to NOT play that rehearsal.)  And wouldn't you know, that while walking to the elevator, I tripped yet again and broke the heel off my other boot!  Lordy!  I had no choice but to take both boots OFF and walk to the stage in my stockings!  (When I think back to that time, am wondering if all that tripping and falling had something to do with my present condition of HYDROCEPHALUS....as apparently that started very long ago.)  I did have the marked score with me, but it was somewhat sparsely done.   There were several girls in the rehearsal with whom I was friendly by now, and they all laughed when they saw me trudge to the piano in my socks!  Mr. Balanchine just looked at me, saying: "How is my 'Chilgren' today?" Oh boy!  He thought that remark was SO witty, and apparently the girls did also.  Everyone erupted in laughter, except me.  I just sat down and opened the score.  We began the rehearsal which went fine until Mr. B. stopped to make a correction.  Then he said, "take it from the------".  Only problem: I did NOT know where that was.  He had gone back a bit, and as I previously said, I did not know the ballet well at all.  My blank look told the story....and the girls again laughed!  Somehow they found this all very entertaining!  Mr. B. came over to the piano, looked at the score, and then pointed to a specific measure, and said, "here...deeeer.  This is where we are."  So I hurriedly wrote down the dance step for that bar (which was the start of a certain section of the ballet).  There had been NO mark there....(this is what I meant by 'sparsely' marked).  This happened a few more times, and that was how I learned SERENADE....from Mr. B himself.  (He always knew where HE was in the music).  I have to say that even though I was somewhat embarrassed, he just said, "it's ok deeeer.  I know you are learning."  Thank goodness!  One of the girls came over and told me, "he likes you...otherwise he would not be this patient."  I thought to myself....'be thankful for small favors.' (although 'small' was not the appropriate word).  I don't think I would have been able to stay there if the situation had been otherwise.  As I said before, the major challenge in any rehearsal is to know WHERE the dancers are at any given point.....and where the starting places are.   Which means one has to play the music, watch them,  remember the steps they are doing, and then mark the score.  Often I attended rehearsals I wasn't playing to watch and mark my score.  I made a point of learning those ballets, one by one.   The most difficult music to play were the STRAVINSKY scores.  Especially AGON, and FIREBIRD to which I had been introduced in my audition.   These scores are called 'piano reductions'....but one has to make an arrangement of the reduction as most are not playable as written.   (Something the dancers didn't know, of course).  Certain reductions were made by Mr. Balanchine, himself, such as the String Symphony in the second act of MIDSUMMER, and DIVERTIMENTO No. 15.  Manuscript is often difficult to decipher, and Mr. B's was no exception.  He always included TOO many notes, so that one again had to make an arrangement of the arrangement!  But I love that these reductions of his are still around and used.  They are HISTORICAL!  [I have made quite a few piano reductions of various works for PNB.  And I always try to make them as playable as possible.  (The most difficult reduction I ever did was for a brand new work which I had never heard before....and I only had the complete orchestral score (again handwritten).  This was for a ballet that Kent Stowell was going to choreograph.  Now that was a task!  I believe the composer had made the orchestral score, but he should have been required to ALSO do a piano reduction, since someone would have to play it.  But the people in charge (Kent, and the Business Manager) had not thought of that.]  
        To continue:  That wasn't the end of the day, not yet.  I had one more rehearsal upstairs in the Main Hall.....with Gelsey Kirkland and Helgi Thomasson...in THEME AND VARIATIONS (Tchaikovsky....from Suite 3).  Much to my surprise, the grand piano had been removed from the studio, and in its place was a little spinet piano.  This was not a permanent situation...just temporary.  It was in the middle of the room, just exactly where it should not have been.  I began to push the piano to the side of the rehearsal room, and wouldn't you know, one of the wheels caught on a wrinkle in the linoleum.  And the piano tipped OVER!!!  The three of us stood there, watching in horror!  It landed with a terrific noise....and I thought that it might have been broken!  Apparently the people on the floor below thought a small plane had landed on the 5th floor....it was SO loud!!!    As I recall, Barbara, Carole, and Pat came rushing into the rehearsal studio, and when they saw the piano on its back, well...you can imagine!   I called down to the stage, to request the assistance of at least 3 able-bodied men to come to the Main Hall, and right the piano.  When I explained the problem, I heard riotous laughter over the phone.   Hmm.  Not helpful, thought I.  However, three men did arrive, and laughing all the while, put the piano upright.  Fortunately, it still worked!   But that was the very last time I moved a piano, and for the next several months, I endured merciless teasing about this incident.  When I would come on stage, where there WAS a small piano for stage rehearsals (unfortunately), the guys would whistle and say "here SHE comes...our Piano Mover!"  The next morning when I entered the Main Hall for Mr. B's class, there he was standing by that horrid little piano!   He bowed low...saying:  "here you are, deeer....YOUR Piano!"   Then the class applauded me....(how embarrassing THAT was.)  This story was circulated, and if you can imagine, was reported in the New York Times....under 'Human Interest Stories in the Arts.'  I was mortified, but what could I do.  To this day, I don't have any idea who reported that bit of news.  It was picked up by the Spokesman Review in Spokane, WA, where my mother lived.  And from then on, whenever I played in Spokane, that story was dredged up from the archives....naturally!  
       At last my day concluded....one I shall never forget!   I was only too happy to be going home for the evening.  I did have to take a cab, as I couldn't walk home in those heelless boots!  But no matter, I was FINISHED for the day!!!   

A FEW STORIES ABOUT JERRY ROBBINS AND MY DEPARTURE FROM NYCB....(Chapter 17)

      So....the following day was my rehearsal with Jerry Robbins....THE CONCERT.   I brought all the music to the piano, sat down, and mentally prepared myself.  Since I had never met the man, had no idea what would happen.  Jerry walked in, came over to me, and then SUDDENLY slammed his keys down on the side of the piano where the music was!  Very LOUDLY!  However, I did not jump or scream (which I suppose was what he was expecting.)  I just looked at him and said, "hello, Mr. Robbins....is there something wrong?" To which he replied, "Wow, you really aren't nervous are you?" And I said, "should I be nervous?"  He was obviously not expecting that...and said, "no, not really.  And you can call me Jerry.  I know you are the new pianist here.  And you have passed the first test!"  All of the dancers were watching this exchange and smirking (I saw that.)  After this odd introduction, I REALLY didn't know what would happen.  He was certainly a strange man, I thought.  And obviously enjoyed making people feel uncomfortable.  (How true that turned out to be!)  A dancer named Christine Redpath came to the piano and told me to just keep calm and cool....and never let him know he could upset me.  (Some years later, oddly enough, she became one of my closest friends, and we shared an apartment in Zurich for a time, after she joined the Zurich Company.  I recall giving her the exact same advice when she was offered the position of Ballet Mistress for Jerry...."NOT to ever let him know he made her nervous!")  A good example of 'what goes around comes around.'  Additionally, when I was piano soloist at PACIFIC NORTHWEST BALLET, she often came to Seattle to set Jerry's works, including IN THE NIGHT and THE CONCERT, which she rehearsed there as well.  We worked very well together....and also both went to Ballet Arizona (under the direction of Ib Anderson) for the setting, rehearsing, and performances of IN THE NIGHT.  
      To continue:  most of that rehearsal went smoothly, and although I wasn't sure of the tempi Jerry wanted for the pieces, he was quite explicit in that area.  However, there was another rehearsal of a different ballet where he became very impatient with everyone (including me).  It was a lovely work by Ravel, for the upcoming Ravel Festival....INTRODUCTION AND ALLEGRO for Harp and Orchestra.  I knew the music, but for some reason Robert Irving (who was conducting the piece) did not show up for this rehearsal, and this ballet was NOT one I had been rehearsing.  No, it was Jerry Zimmerman's domain. 
(Specific works were assigned to each of us which made rehearsing easier for everyone concerned).  I did not know the various tempo changes, as there were many rubati involved.  So the first time JR corrected me, he was polite.  The second time...a bit irritated.  But the third time, he was downright rude to me, and I, unable to stand such treatment, lost it!  I slammed down the keyboard cover, stood up and yelled, "there is NO way I can know these tempi, and Robert did not come....so do NOT yell at me!  Then I rushed out of the studio!  Everyone stood there (I heard later) with their mouths open.  I walked very fast down the hall toward the elevator, intending to exit the building.  Jerry ran after me, saying "It's okay, baby....come back....sorry, come on back."  (That was one of his favorite remarks...'it's okay, baby.'  Don't know how many times I heard that one.)  Anyway, he caught up with me, and I went back with him into the Main Hall.  The dancers were, by this time, dumbfounded as apparently no one had ever responded to him in that fashion.  Of course, dancers would not or could not....they had to think about their roles in the company, but I was under no such restrictions.  All I knew was that I was not going to stand for such behavior, and if I left the NYCB because of him, so be it.  I guess my actions were exactly what were needed for him to BEHAVE himself.  I hadn't planned that outburst, it just happened.  However, I asked Jerry if he would kindly ask Robert (Irving) to come to the rehearsal so it could proceed more smoothly.  This piece had so many rubati in it, and I needed direction from the conductor.   (Here I must interject that all of Jerry's ballets had very specific tempi, and one had to just KNOW them, so it was important that a pianist be present from the beginning.  He choreographed in that way.   Mr. B did not...which made his ballets much easier to rehearse.  There was a 'right' tempo, of course, but he did not insist on tiny differences for individual dancers like Jerry did.)   By the end of the day, everyone in the theater had heard about the brouhaha in that rehearsal.  Jerry and Gordon were most amused.   Hmmmm....And I wasn't even supposed to be playing THAT rehearsal.  Several of the dancers came to me to say..."that was a first, Dianne.  Congratulations!!"  Of course, I didn't feel that was an accomplishment, for heavens' sakes, but apparently they did.  As it turned out, that was the last time he chastised me for tempi he didn't like.  
    However, there was another instance....at an open rehearsal in the theater with the public invited.  He was staging his new work....MOTHER GOOSE SUITE, another piece for the upcoming Ravel Festival for which I was playing the large Mason-Hamlin piano on the platform aside the stage.  This instrument handled and sounded like a mack truck, as far as I was concerned.  Everything was going more or less ok, when I heard over the microphone (quite loudly): "Dianne, could you please play the music more softly?  It is too loud."  Of course, ever quick on the draw (so to speak) I said, "Jerry, I am trying my best to play SOFTLY, but this dreadful piano won't allow it."  (Which was true...if anyone can handle a piano, it is myself...it  is one of my attributes as a pianist...control of the piano and being able to produce very delicate and soft tones.  And he knew that.) Then I heard a soft chuckle from him....(he didn't think anyone could hear that, but I could!)  After the rehearsal he came to me and asked me about THAT piano.  I told him my opinion of it, and said, "I don't know why the NYCB cannot afford a decent Steinway concert grand, because this instrument is not something I would ever choose to play."  Well, that remark of mine made it back to the 'powers that be' upstairs.  Apparently no one else had ever complained about the piano....(not Jerry and particularly, not Gordon!)  There is more to this piano story:  soon after this, the company was in Washington D.C., performing at the Kennedy Center Opera House Theater.  I was playing the Ravel SONATINE on stage, as I did in NYC.  After the performance, Lincoln complimented me on my performance.  He also said to me, "this piano here in Washington sounds so much more beautiful than the one we have in NYC.....why is that?"  And I explained why....adding that the piano in Washington was a lovely Steinsay, while the one in NYC was a 'clunky' Mason-Hamlin.  He was very disturbed by my description of that piano, and SO....when we returned to NYC, he spoke to Mr. Balanchine about this.  And that incident, plus the remarks Jerry also offered clinched it.  The New York City Ballet decided to purchase a fine Steinway Concert Grand, and the three of us piano soloists were directed to go to Steinway Hall and pick out a very good one.  Money was no object, said Mr. Balanchine and Mr. Kirstein.  "We are the NYCB, and have an excellent musicians here, and need the BEST!!"   Both Jerry and I were absolutely delighted at this turn of events, but Gordon was FURIOUS!  He elected NOT to go with us, so Jerry and I went together.  (I couldn't believe this, actually).  What I didn't learn until later, was that Gordon had been invited to Mr. B's studio with Lincoln, and questioned as to WHY he had never mentioned how inferior the Mason-Hamlin piano was!  (Apparently he said he was reluctant to make a problem and cost the company money.)  They were not impressed with that answer.  (Jerry Z. told me this).  Of course, he did not enjoy being called on the carpet, but he should have  made his views known long ago, and told the truth....as he was the senior pianist.   Unbeknownst to me, Jerry Z. had pleaded with him to speak about the piano many times, but had long since given up trying to get Gordon to do anything along those lines.  It took the new person (me) to say what she thought.... and because I had the reputation as the 'Concert Pianist' there, I was believed.  (Of course, when Lincoln and Mr. B really listened to that awful piano, that was all that was necessary.)  Gordon realized all this, and just grew more and more furious with me. (He had lost face, and was embarrassed by his inaction, but could not admit it).  I remember Jerry trying to talk to him...saying, "NOW we have a marvelous piano which benefits everyone, what is the problem?  Dianne just told the truth!"  But, of course, that did no good whatsoever.  
      Such are the vagaries of human existence....I hadn't realized how sensitive Gordon was on certain subjects.  And my playing concerts in NYC or speaking about pianos, etc., were a couple of those subjects.  This anger of his only grew, and eventually was the reason I left the company.  What a mess that was!  But it led to my going to Europe and living in Geneva, Zurich, and London...plus a host of very interesting adventures....which was a very good thing indeed!  But in the meantime, I still had to deal with the situation at NYCB.  I remember my concert at Alice Tully Hall, which most of the company attended, as well as many of the well-known musicians in New York City (such as Andre Watts.....a very famous concert pianist friend of mine, and the Assistant Director of the Met, plus several other notable musicians.)  Plus Mr. Balanchine, Jerry Robbins, and Lincoln Kirstein.  After one of the ushers came back to my dressing room to inform me of WHO had walked into the hall for the fourth time, I asked her to just write down the names, and give them to me AFTER the concert,,,especially when I heard that Andre was there!  All of that information was making me nervous.  The only person from the NYCB who did NOT attend, was Gordon.  A huge reception for me was given by Jerry Zimmerman at his home near Lincoln Center, much to Gordon's disgust.   One other thing really exasperated Gordon which was that I encouraged Jerry to play a debut concert in NYC.  He never had, and now I had played TWO big concerts.  I thought that as a NYCB piano soloist, he should also play such a concert.  So he did decide to schedule a recital, and I was very pleased at his courage.  And it does take much courage to perform in NYC, I can tell you that.  Unfortunately, that was the biggest problem Gordon had with either of us playing in NYC....HE didn't have the courage to do so, and this only made him angrier AT ME.  
     I did play yet another New York concert, a couple of years later; this time in Carnegie Hall.  Of course, this stirred up the pot once more....but I felt the necessity to play again, as I had been performing more concerts outside New York, and one has to keep the fires stoked, as it were.  I asked for a short leave of absence, so as to be more rested....about 3 days off.  This request was readily given to me.  However, Gordon took the opportunity to complain about that maneuver, even though the manager and assistant manager of the company were totally on board with it.  The concert was very well attended, and I received a splendid review.  Of course, this again added more fuel to the fire...and Gordon, by this time, just exploded.  He was NOT going to tolerate my concert playing another second, and he made that very clear.  At this particular moment, Mr. B was in the hospital having cataract surgery, Lincoln was in Europe, and Jerry was in Florida.  So the coast was clear for Gordon to do his evil deed.  It was left to Betty Cage to deal with the fallout...and, poor woman, she really did not know what to do.  He had called in every IOU from that company, presenting her with his ULTIMATUM...."either Me or Her!!!!"
She called me into her office, along with Barbara Horgan as a witness.  It seems Betty had no idea what had gone on before, so she asked me to explain the situation, which I did, to the best of my ability.  She was totally surprised that such a thing had happened, and was trying to make sense of it all.  She really had no idea of what Gordon was about; and at this juncture, Barbara gave her opinion of the situation.  She thought (knew) it was a matter of jealousy.  However, the NYCB needed Gordon for his conducting skills (more than his piano playing), and I knew that since Robert would no doubt retire in the near future, a knowledgeable conductor would be needed.  Gordon fit that bill.  What a dilemma!  Betty knew and said I was a HUGE asset to the company, and that everyone (including Jerry Robbins) was very fond of me, except for Gordon.   WELL!!!  The result of all this, of course, was that I left the company, but not without incident.  A lawyer friend of mine in whom I had confided, told me that I was absolutely within my rights to SUE the NYCB, naming Gordon Boelzner in particular, for sexual discrimmination in the workplace.  He actually drew up the papers for such a lawsuit, and was ready to present it.  He felt that since I was such a well-known and respected musician in NYC, that this would be an easy win.  He was doubtlessly correct, but I couldn't wrap my head around SUING the New York City Ballet.   I just could NOT do it.  There was already a great deal of buzz about this situation in NYC's  musical scene, even though it had not yet been reported that I was leaving the company.  But somehow the news had gotten out, as it always does, and Barbara (who ordinarily would have been disturbed by all of this) was delighted, as she thought Gordon should get his just due.   I had multitudes of phone calls, from newspaper reporters, and various others. When Jerry returned from Florida he hit the ceiling, and demanded that I be re-hired!  Lincoln was irate...and challenged Gordon about his actions.  He told everyone that 'those two men cannot handle this company's piano repertoire....we NEED Dianne!'  Many of the company knew something of all this, but certainly not everyone.  Mr. Balanchine, whom I visited in the hospital after my interview with Betty, told me that I "should not worry...deeeer.  You will be fine...you are great pianist.  Gordon has ONLY the NYCB."  Well, thought I, that was all fine and good, but this was MY job!  I said as much, and he again told me NOT to worry.  I did ask for some compensation, which I received, as well as unemployment funds.  Since I had decided NOT to sue the company, my next step was somewhat unclear.  (Do you see what I mean about a MESS?)  Hmmm.  AND I did receive, not too much later, an offer to go to Geneva, Switzerland, and take a position as piano soloist with the company there....(it turned out that Mr. B was ALSO Artistic Director of the Company there...much to my surprise.) The Director of that Company (located at the the Grande Theatre de Geneve) was Patricia Neary, who had been a soloist with the NYCB.  And I realized that a new life could commence there, if I so desired.  
     Since I was not at all sure of what I wanted, or would be doing, I decided to ask for letters of recommendation from Mr. Balanchine, Jerry Robbins, and Robert Irving.  They were all very happy to comply, and since I had not made more of a mess (by suing the company, for example) I had no qualms about asking.  I still have those letters....somehow Indiana University sent me all my letters of recommendation for some odd reason (an error, no doubt), and I am so glad they did. 
     Looking back at all of this, I can see even more reasons Gordon became so angry with me.  For example, I was asked by Mr. B. to play the Ravel SONATINE for Jean-Pierre Bonnefous and Violette Verdy in a performance for the PRESIDENT of the United States, (Gerald Ford and his wife,) at the Hotel Pierre in the large Reception Hall.  This was a very prestigious event, and I was delighted to be performing.  I went with Mr. B in a large limousine, just the two of us, and I sat at one of the head tables with him, the President and First Lady!  The dancers could not be present for the luncheon (which was before the performance), as they had to get ready...costumes, etc.  But I could!  In addition, we were all three paid very well for this performance, (Mr. B had negotiated all our fees!).  I recall something like $2,000).  When Gordon heard all the details, he was very upset, but then he didn't know the music, did he?  I had played for the choreography and all the performances...not he.   (I recall something very odd....the piano on which I performed was completely white!  It was a Yamaha, but most pianos are black, so this made an impression on me.)
     There were other instances, but you can get the general idea.  My Carnegie Hall Recital was just the last straw for him!!!   I recall Suzanne Farrell talking to me about all of it...(later in Monte Carlo).  She thought Gordon was not well....he was hypo-glycemic, I believe, and gained a huge amount of weight after Mr. Balanchine passed.  This was, of course, long after I had left, but perhaps she had a point.  
     Before moving to Europe, I had many job offers from various institutions, including American Ballet Theater, several universities in the area, and many opportunities to perform.   Jerry Robbins had asked several conductor friends of his to call me..... which they did.   Of course, all this activity was not lost on the 'powers that be' at the NYCB!
     However, since I was now foot-loose and fancy free, so to speak, I opted to travel to Europe with my roommate, Clorinda de Stockalper, and not think about any of that drama.    She was actually a countess, from a titled family in Switzerland, and invited me to go there with her and stay for a bit with her sister in Sion.  Our trip, which also included Clo's mother, took us to Venice, where we stayed in a lovely old monastery---now converted to a hotel along the Grand Canal.   I had never been to Europe (although my travels with the NYCB had taken me to various Russian cities, and Poland...but never Europe.) So I was looking forward very much to this trip.
       I have to relate two unusual stories that occurred in this monastery/hotel:  on the first morning, we were eating breakfast on the veranda outside.  And what should happen...but a young woman and her fiance came over to our table and asked me if I were Dianne Chilgren!!!  She explained that she had attended many performances of the NYCB and had heard me play there frequently.  She also had attended my Alice Tully Hall Concert!  Amazing!  She had recognized me and wanted to say how much she had always enjoyed my playing these past few years!  She had also read in the paper that I would be leaving the company, and said she was very sorry to hear that....saying she thought I would be greatly missed!  Wow! I thanked her for her kind remarks...(I did not explain WHY I was leaving, of course.)  The second odd story:  my sleep was interrupted by a very LOUD voice calling my name!  I got up and looked to see if Clorinda had heard anything, but she was fast asleep.  So I went to the large window and sat down on the broad sill overlooking the Canal.  Then the voice said in very stentorian tones:  "Dianne, you will continue to work for George Balanchine, but it will not be in New York City."  And that was all.  It was if a curtain had been pulled aside for a moment to allow a glimpse of something, and then closed again.  The next morning I told Clo about my experience.... and still had no idea whose voice that WAS!  She said, "well, that must be what you are meant to do next."  So upon returning to New York City from our fabulous trip I walked into my apartment, only to hear the phone ringing at that exact moment!  It was Barbara Horgan.  She said, "George wants you to go to Geneva to be Piano Soloist with that company (where he was Artistic DIRECTOR).  If you are in agreement, we have a working visa ready for you and a plane ticket to Geneva."  Then she asked me to come to her office the next day to pick these items up and discuss the proposition.  !!!!!  WELL!!!!  I sat down on my sofa to ponder this surprising turn of events!  It seems that Mr. Balanchine was Artistic Director of that company as well, something I did not know.  And Patricia Neary was the Director of the Company (she was a former soloist with the NYCB).  I did not know her, but did know her sister, Colleen.  
     It appeared that I was being directed to live in Switzerland....of that I was very sure.   And in the snap of a finger, my life changed direction, and certainly, location!  I would move to Geneva, then Zurich, and finally London (although, of course,  I could not foresee any of those events.)  I shall NEVER forget that voice, and in case anyone thinks I am balmy, well perhaps you have never experienced clairvoyant or clair audio happenings.   This sort of thing has happened to me before, which is why I have always felt that my life was being directed by a force greater than myself.  Somehow it is a very comforting feeling to realize that to be true!
 
 

FURTHER ADVENTURES AT THE NEW YORK CITY BALLET (Chapter 16)

        After my initial introduction to the company, which was one class the previous day with Mr. Balanchine, my schedule began in earnest.  I didn't play class that first day of work (guess they were giving me a little time to become accustomed to rehearsals), but I did have a 2-hour rehearsal of LIEBESLIEDER beginning at noon with Mr. Balanchine and the dancers.   So I met the principal soloists about whom I had heard so much and indeed had seen onstage in performance.  (Patricia McBride, Frank Ohman, Karin von Aroldingen, Peter Martins, Kay Mazzo, Conrad Ludlow, Violette Verdy, Jean-Pierre Bonnefous).  These 4 couples would be the performing cast...and also were going to be filmed in Berlin the following year, I believe (as was I, although I didn't know that yet).   We started with the Group Dances, and I have to say that playing the score was NOT so easy as I had the 4-handed version and needed to read both parts as well as the singers lines if they had the melody.  (Of course, I had practiced the music beforehand, but only had one day to get it ready.  This was par for the course, I learned.....as the schedule only was posted at the end of the day or early the next morning).   However, all went quite well....then Robert Irving came in and played the piano duet with me for a bit  (about 10 minutes).  But he got bored and left!  I was also trying to write the various steps in the score (learn the choreography), so I would know where Mr. B. was....when he said "take it from the -----."  That was the most challenging part of rehearsals....to know WHERE they were starting from!  If I looked blank, he would sing the music......he always knew where HE was!  
     That rehearsal ended, and while I didn't have the opportunity to talk much with the dancers, they were all very nice and friendly to me.  Kay Mazzo, for example, invited me for coffee.  She and I became good friends quite soon.  
      The following rehearsal for me was the Corps de Ballet (no principals) in SYMPHONY IN C (Bizet)....first movement.   That score is not difficult to play, but was (and still is) handwritten (which always presents a few challenges.) This rehearsal was under the auspices of Rosemary Dunleavy, ballet mistress for many years.  She was always very clear, and unflappable, and (I thought) very easy to work with.  After the first movement part had finished, she said, "now take it from the Finale step."   Hmmm...I had not a clue what THAT meant, so asked her where the 'Finale Step' was located.  To make matters more confusing, there was ALSO a first movement finale step in THAT movement, but we had just rehearsed it.   She did know this was my first day of rehearsal, so she came over and said, "the Finale step is in the Fourth Movement; each movement dancers re-enter and dance.....and then everyone dances all together."  A bit flustered, I DID find the marking....FIRST MOVT. FINALE....and played it.  Thank goodness, she knew where to tell me to look, or I would have been searching throughout the music!  (When I think back to that day, I can recall exactly how I felt.....a bit panicky and flustered.  Of course Symphony in C is 'old hat' to me now...I can play it from memory.... but at the time, was another story.)   The dancers, of course, didn't realize how mysterious things could be for a pianist, and some got impatient when I didn't comply immediately with Rosemary's directions.
      The next hour was scheduled for the Third Movement Corps de Ballet (again, no principals....they would have a separate rehearsal).  Now the Third Movement is somewhat complicated to play, mainly because of the number of repeats in it.  And one has to turn back a page for the first repeat.  So I decided to just memorize the music on the previous so I wouldn't be struggling with the pages.  Then at the end of the movement, one has to turn back all the way to the beginning....and play the entire movement again!  (That maneuver required setting up the turn-back of several pages...by placing a book to mark the place!) Of course, there is a Finale Step in the 4th Movement for the Third Movement as well.  By this time, I knew where to find it!  Then there is a FINALE FINALE step for everyone in the ballet to dance, and the ballet concludes!  (Does this sound confusing?  Well...it definitely is.)  By this time, I had decided that I  would ask Gordon or Jerry Zimmerman (the other piano soloist) for assistance in ensuing ballets.  One needs a roadmap for some of these works, thought I.  There is nothing like learning on the job, but it is quite nervewracking, I have to say.  
     I think it was during this rehearsal that I met a girl who would become my closest friend in the company, and in my life as well....her name is Marilee Stiles.  (She lives in Seattle as well with her screenwriter husband, Stewart Stern.)  She came over to the piano with 2 other dancers....Rene Estopinal, Elise Flagg, and Margie Spohn.  They were very friendly....and said to me that I didn't seem nervous at all in class or rehearsals.  (Hmm....I thought to myself, if they only knew!) Rene mentioned that other pianists had come to play class and were so nervous, they couldn't do it!  But, they said, "you are not afraid at all....that is amazing!  We hope you will stay....it can be lots of fun."  (Well, I thought, perhaps after a while it will be, although at the moment, I didn't think so.) But I was not going to give up...I considered this a challenge, and I am not one to shrink from challenges or obstacles.)  So...the die was cast.   I decided right then that I was going to stay and become part of this huge family.  
     The next day's schedule was posted, and I saw that my name was listed as pianist for one of JEROME ROBBINS' (Jerry) ballets.....(THE CONCERT).  Oh Boy!  I had heard a great deal about him....shall we say....and was a little concerned.  I knew he was someone to be reckoned with!  Fortunately, after being shown the Chopin music by Jerry Zimmerman, who was the onstage solo pianist for that ballet, I realized that I already knew all the pieces in that ballet.  But it had been a while since I had played/performed them....so knew I had to practice ALL of them later at home to prepare for the following day.   Which I did....and afterwards, really felt like I HAD accomplished something that day.  I shall describe my various experiences with Jerry....in the next installment, so STAY TUNED!!!
     
      

MY INTRODUCTION TO THE NEW YORK CITY BALLET

       I shall never forget that phone call from Eddie Bigelow.....personnel manager at the NEW YORK CITY BALLET and he had a question for me.  Would I be interested in coming to the New York State Theater to speak with him, and meet George BALANCHINE (director of the NYCB) and perhaps play for their Chief Conductor, Robert Irving?  I was dumbfounded, to say the least, as I struggled to find the words to reply to him.  My debut recital in New York was scheduled for the following week at Town Hall, and while I would be very interested in such a meeting, I could not do this until after that concert.  Would that be possible, I asked?  Indeed...he was most affable, and asked me to call him after my concert was finished.  WELL!!! I sat down in my apartment, mulling over this latest development. 
     Since I was to play a rather strenuous recital program, I got back to the business of practicing. By this time my stamina was excellent and so was my concentration level (this is something that has to be learned and rehearsed as well).  I telephoned my teacher, Mme. Sari Biro in San Francisco to tell her of this latest episode.   She was very happy to hear the news, and urged me to phone the NYCB after my concert was finished. 
       The concert went very well, with almost no wrong notes or mistakes.  Except at the beginning of the recital....my finger slipped off a black key to a white key, and made a sound.  It was in the Introduction to the Beethoven Sonata, op. 78 in F-Sharp Major, and was the opening number.....so I really had to concentrate on going forward and not reviewing that little mishap in my head!  There were no more problems, thank goodness, and the rest of the program went off without a hitch.  Incidentally, I received an excellent review for this concert, which (unknown to me at the time) was something of an anomaly, since I had just arrived on the concert scene.   Many times first concerts with new artists are slammed hard by reviewers.  I was very happy with this result.....and people who were familiar with the concert landscape informed me that I had successfully negotiated my first hurdle in that difficult environment. 
      So onward to the next experience, shall we say.  I did as Mr. Bigelow had requested and phoned him....telling him I had played my recital.  He replied, "yes, we know, Dianne.  We all read your very fine review."  I was somewhat surprised to hear this....guess I thought that people in the ballet world were not so interested in classical music.  He then told me that Mr. Balanchine had found the critique...(I didn't know then exactly how interested he was in music.)  A date and time was set for my audition and meeting....and I hung up the phone, wondering exactly what was in store for me.   I decided (as per usual) not to worry about it, but to prepare myself mentally for whatever would happen.  I picked out a cute outfit to wear (if one looks good, then things will fall into place, thought I). And off I went to the State Theater.  At this time I was living on 71st Street and Columbus, so the Theater was not far away.....certainly an easy walking distance!
      When I reached the stage door of the State Theater, I asked for directions to Mr. Bigelow's office.  He was contacted, came down to meet me, and took me up to his office on the 4th floor.   (Mr. Balanchine's office was also in that vicinity, as was his personal assistant's, Barbara Horgan, whom I met that day as well.)   She was a very intelligent woman, I thought, and also very friendly to me.   After a bit of conversation with Eddie, he took me to a ballet studio on the 5th floor where there was a piano.  This is where I would be playing for the conductor, so began playing a few scales and arpeggios to warm up a bit.  Mr. Irving entered the studio carrying a couple of piano scores with him which he wanted me to sightread.  Fortunately, I have always been an excellent sightreader so I wasn't nervous.  He set the piano reduction for FIREBIRD (Igor Stravinsky) in front of me, and turned to the 'Princess's Dance,' asking me to play it.  Now this piece wasn't difficult rhythmically, but it has a multitude of notes with many accidentals (flats and sharps).  I played it as best I could (not too bad), and then he asked me to play it again.  Which I did.  Then he said, "that was very good, dear.  I see you improved on the second reading."  Then he turned to the 'Firebird Dance'----which is the solo for 'The Firebird.'  This was much more difficult to read and play.....but again, I did the best I could.  And again he asked me to repeat THAT one, which I did with the same result.  (I have to say that he couldn't have picked more difficult music to sightread than that Firebird score).  After that he brought out Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake and Theme and Variations.....these were 'duck soup' (so to speak) compared to FIREBIRD.  Next he asked me to play something of my choice, so I opted for part of the BRAHMS HANDEL VARIATIONS, which I had just performed in concert at TOWN HALL.  At the end of this curious audition he told me that I would "do very well, dear."  Then he proposed that I come the next day and meet Mr. Balanchine, and perhaps play class for him!  I hadn't counted on that being part of the process, but of course, I agreed. 
     As class had long since finished, an arrangement was made for me to return the next day, and OBSERVE class....and the pianist who who would play it....Gordon Boelzner.  He was the doyen of the music staff, and I was looking forward to meeting him.  I arrived the next day, went to the Main Hall, where class was held and sat in a chair near the piano to observe both Mr. B. as well as Gordon. 
During class Mr. Balanchine would make little jokes and Gordon played 'funny' or 'humorous' music.  (I saw that classical music was not something Mr. B liked for class).  So, not able to help myself, I laughed at a couple of the tunes!  Mr. B saw this and immediately came over to me and said...."you think this is funny, dear?"  (pronouncing that 'deeeeer'..)  I was a bit embarrassed, and explained that I found the music quite amusing and entertaining.  He didn't seem to mind my making that remark, and just said, 
"yes, it is isn't it?"  Gordon then said..."cheeky, isn't she?"  And we all laughed.  By then I was feeling a bit more comfortable. 
     The following day I arrived with class music of my own, (which included some classical pieces, of course.)   Knowing that this might be the most difficult 'audition,'....  I was a bit nervous.  Gordon didn't help matters when he said to me, "Others have not done so well with Mr. Balanchine in class.....we'll see how YOU do."  I realized that remark was not meant to assuage my nerves, and I wondered why.  (It would only help him if I could play classes for Mr. B.   I did find out why, but that is for a later entry here.)   SO CLASS commenced....and I began with a lovely Schubert Waltz (adore Schubert Waltzes).  Things went quite smoothly until I chose to play a rather serious piece by Prokovieff.  Mr. B rushed over to the piano, and stopped me---saying "Deeer, I don't like Prokovieff......sounds like mouse crawling up wall!"  What an image, thought I.  He always spoke in such imagery, I was to find.  I could see that I needed to dispense with ALL my lovely Prokovieff 
pieces.  (He did choreograph one Prokovieff work...which was 'PRODIGAL SON'...but that was the extent of it.    And he met Prokovieff as well....I have the autographed copy of PRODIGAL SON...somehow that came into my possession.)  But back to class...  He really liked it when I played Gershwin (especially).  Fortunately I knew many songs by George Gershwin, Cole Porter, Irving Berlin, etc.  (Thank goodness for my mother's many popular songbooks which she had bought me in previous years.)
     The upshot of these three meetings and auditions, was that I was offered a position at the NEW YORK CITY BALLET as rehearsal pianist and Piano Soloist.
They wanted me to perform LIEBESLIEDER WALZER, one of Mr. Balanchine's most beautiful ballets.....written for piano duo and four singers by Brahms, plus the cast of four solo couples.   It was coming up in the next repertoire, and I would be playing the piano duet with Robert Irving (later on, it would be Gordon).  I was to wear a gorgeous beige, long silk gown (which was in accord with the dancers' costumes), with matching shoes, and my hair would be done in a style of that period.  (At that time, I had very long hair, so that would not present a problem.)  I was very excited to be appearing on stage with these dancers and Mr. Irving.....and looking forward to this next episode, I literally skipped home.  The next day I would be playing class, and then some rehearsals....namely LIEBESLIEDER and SYMPHONY IN C by Georges Bizet.  My life with this company (NYCB) had begun, and I was eager to get on with it!!