So....the following day was my rehearsal with Jerry Robbins....THE CONCERT. I brought all the music to the piano, sat down, and mentally prepared myself. Since I had never met the man, had no idea what would happen. Jerry walked in, came over to me, and then SUDDENLY slammed his keys down on the side of the piano where the music was! Very LOUDLY! However, I did not jump or scream (which I suppose was what he was expecting.) I just looked at him and said, "hello, Mr. Robbins....is there something wrong?" To which he replied, "Wow, you really aren't nervous are you?" And I said, "should I be nervous?" He was obviously not expecting that...and said, "no, not really. And you can call me Jerry. I know you are the new pianist here. And you have passed the first test!" All of the dancers were watching this exchange and smirking (I saw that.) After this odd introduction, I REALLY didn't know what would happen. He was certainly a strange man, I thought. And obviously enjoyed making people feel uncomfortable. (How true that turned out to be!) A dancer named Christine Redpath came to the piano and told me to just keep calm and cool....and never let him know he could upset me. (Some years later, oddly enough, she became one of my closest friends, and we shared an apartment in Zurich for a time, after she joined the Zurich Company. I recall giving her the exact same advice when she was offered the position of Ballet Mistress for Jerry...."NOT to ever let him know he made her nervous!") A good example of 'what goes around comes around.' Additionally, when I was piano soloist at PACIFIC NORTHWEST BALLET, she often came to Seattle to set Jerry's works, including IN THE NIGHT and THE CONCERT, which she rehearsed there as well. We worked very well together....and also both went to Ballet Arizona (under the direction of Ib Anderson) for the setting, rehearsing, and performances of IN THE NIGHT.
To continue: most of that rehearsal went smoothly, and although I wasn't sure of the tempi Jerry wanted for the pieces, he was quite explicit in that area. However, there was another rehearsal of a different ballet where he became very impatient with everyone (including me). It was a lovely work by Ravel, for the upcoming Ravel Festival....INTRODUCTION AND ALLEGRO for Harp and Orchestra. I knew the music, but for some reason Robert Irving (who was conducting the piece) did not show up for this rehearsal, and this ballet was NOT one I had been rehearsing. No, it was Jerry Zimmerman's domain.
(Specific works were assigned to each of us which made rehearsing easier for everyone concerned). I did not know the various tempo changes, as there were many rubati involved. So the first time JR corrected me, he was polite. The second time...a bit irritated. But the third time, he was downright rude to me, and I, unable to stand such treatment, lost it! I slammed down the keyboard cover, stood up and yelled, "there is NO way I can know these tempi, and Robert did not come....so do NOT yell at me! Then I rushed out of the studio! Everyone stood there (I heard later) with their mouths open. I walked very fast down the hall toward the elevator, intending to exit the building. Jerry ran after me, saying "It's okay, baby....come back....sorry, come on back." (That was one of his favorite remarks...'it's okay, baby.' Don't know how many times I heard that one.) Anyway, he caught up with me, and I went back with him into the Main Hall. The dancers were, by this time, dumbfounded as apparently no one had ever responded to him in that fashion. Of course, dancers would not or could not....they had to think about their roles in the company, but I was under no such restrictions. All I knew was that I was not going to stand for such behavior, and if I left the NYCB because of him, so be it. I guess my actions were exactly what were needed for him to BEHAVE himself. I hadn't planned that outburst, it just happened. However, I asked Jerry if he would kindly ask Robert (Irving) to come to the rehearsal so it could proceed more smoothly. This piece had so many rubati in it, and I needed direction from the conductor. (Here I must interject that all of Jerry's ballets had very specific tempi, and one had to just KNOW them, so it was important that a pianist be present from the beginning. He choreographed in that way. Mr. B did not...which made his ballets much easier to rehearse. There was a 'right' tempo, of course, but he did not insist on tiny differences for individual dancers like Jerry did.) By the end of the day, everyone in the theater had heard about the brouhaha in that rehearsal. Jerry and Gordon were most amused. Hmmmm....And I wasn't even supposed to be playing THAT rehearsal. Several of the dancers came to me to say..."that was a first, Dianne. Congratulations!!" Of course, I didn't feel that was an accomplishment, for heavens' sakes, but apparently they did. As it turned out, that was the last time he chastised me for tempi he didn't like.
However, there was another instance....at an open rehearsal in the theater with the public invited. He was staging his new work....MOTHER GOOSE SUITE, another piece for the upcoming Ravel Festival for which I was playing the large Mason-Hamlin piano on the platform aside the stage. This instrument handled and sounded like a mack truck, as far as I was concerned. Everything was going more or less ok, when I heard over the microphone (quite loudly): "Dianne, could you please play the music more softly? It is too loud." Of course, ever quick on the draw (so to speak) I said, "Jerry, I am trying my best to play SOFTLY, but this dreadful piano won't allow it." (Which was true...if anyone can handle a piano, it is myself...it is one of my attributes as a pianist...control of the piano and being able to produce very delicate and soft tones. And he knew that.) Then I heard a soft chuckle from him....(he didn't think anyone could hear that, but I could!) After the rehearsal he came to me and asked me about THAT piano. I told him my opinion of it, and said, "I don't know why the NYCB cannot afford a decent Steinway concert grand, because this instrument is not something I would ever choose to play." Well, that remark of mine made it back to the 'powers that be' upstairs. Apparently no one else had ever complained about the piano....(not Jerry and particularly, not Gordon!) There is more to this piano story: soon after this, the company was in Washington D.C., performing at the Kennedy Center Opera House Theater. I was playing the Ravel SONATINE on stage, as I did in NYC. After the performance, Lincoln complimented me on my performance. He also said to me, "this piano here in Washington sounds so much more beautiful than the one we have in NYC.....why is that?" And I explained why....adding that the piano in Washington was a lovely Steinsay, while the one in NYC was a 'clunky' Mason-Hamlin. He was very disturbed by my description of that piano, and SO....when we returned to NYC, he spoke to Mr. Balanchine about this. And that incident, plus the remarks Jerry also offered clinched it. The New York City Ballet decided to purchase a fine Steinway Concert Grand, and the three of us piano soloists were directed to go to Steinway Hall and pick out a very good one. Money was no object, said Mr. Balanchine and Mr. Kirstein. "We are the NYCB, and have an excellent musicians here, and need the BEST!!" Both Jerry and I were absolutely delighted at this turn of events, but Gordon was FURIOUS! He elected NOT to go with us, so Jerry and I went together. (I couldn't believe this, actually). What I didn't learn until later, was that Gordon had been invited to Mr. B's studio with Lincoln, and questioned as to WHY he had never mentioned how inferior the Mason-Hamlin piano was! (Apparently he said he was reluctant to make a problem and cost the company money.) They were not impressed with that answer. (Jerry Z. told me this). Of course, he did not enjoy being called on the carpet, but he should have made his views known long ago, and told the truth....as he was the senior pianist. Unbeknownst to me, Jerry Z. had pleaded with him to speak about the piano many times, but had long since given up trying to get Gordon to do anything along those lines. It took the new person (me) to say what she thought.... and because I had the reputation as the 'Concert Pianist' there, I was believed. (Of course, when Lincoln and Mr. B really listened to that awful piano, that was all that was necessary.) Gordon realized all this, and just grew more and more furious with me. (He had lost face, and was embarrassed by his inaction, but could not admit it). I remember Jerry trying to talk to him...saying, "NOW we have a marvelous piano which benefits everyone, what is the problem? Dianne just told the truth!" But, of course, that did no good whatsoever.
Such are the vagaries of human existence....I hadn't realized how sensitive Gordon was on certain subjects. And my playing concerts in NYC or speaking about pianos, etc., were a couple of those subjects. This anger of his only grew, and eventually was the reason I left the company. What a mess that was! But it led to my going to Europe and living in Geneva, Zurich, and London...plus a host of very interesting adventures....which was a very good thing indeed! But in the meantime, I still had to deal with the situation at NYCB. I remember my concert at Alice Tully Hall, which most of the company attended, as well as many of the well-known musicians in New York City (such as Andre Watts.....a very famous concert pianist friend of mine, and the Assistant Director of the Met, plus several other notable musicians.) Plus Mr. Balanchine, Jerry Robbins, and Lincoln Kirstein. After one of the ushers came back to my dressing room to inform me of WHO had walked into the hall for the fourth time, I asked her to just write down the names, and give them to me AFTER the concert,,,especially when I heard that Andre was there! All of that information was making me nervous. The only person from the NYCB who did NOT attend, was Gordon. A huge reception for me was given by Jerry Zimmerman at his home near Lincoln Center, much to Gordon's disgust. One other thing really exasperated Gordon which was that I encouraged Jerry to play a debut concert in NYC. He never had, and now I had played TWO big concerts. I thought that as a NYCB piano soloist, he should also play such a concert. So he did decide to schedule a recital, and I was very pleased at his courage. And it does take much courage to perform in NYC, I can tell you that. Unfortunately, that was the biggest problem Gordon had with either of us playing in NYC....HE didn't have the courage to do so, and this only made him angrier AT ME.
I did play yet another New York concert, a couple of years later; this time in Carnegie Hall. Of course, this stirred up the pot once more....but I felt the necessity to play again, as I had been performing more concerts outside New York, and one has to keep the fires stoked, as it were. I asked for a short leave of absence, so as to be more rested....about 3 days off. This request was readily given to me. However, Gordon took the opportunity to complain about that maneuver, even though the manager and assistant manager of the company were totally on board with it. The concert was very well attended, and I received a splendid review. Of course, this again added more fuel to the fire...and Gordon, by this time, just exploded. He was NOT going to tolerate my concert playing another second, and he made that very clear. At this particular moment, Mr. B was in the hospital having cataract surgery, Lincoln was in Europe, and Jerry was in Florida. So the coast was clear for Gordon to do his evil deed. It was left to Betty Cage to deal with the fallout...and, poor woman, she really did not know what to do. He had called in every IOU from that company, presenting her with his ULTIMATUM...."either Me or Her!!!!"
She called me into her office, along with Barbara Horgan as a witness. It seems Betty had no idea what had gone on before, so she asked me to explain the situation, which I did, to the best of my ability. She was totally surprised that such a thing had happened, and was trying to make sense of it all. She really had no idea of what Gordon was about; and at this juncture, Barbara gave her opinion of the situation. She thought (knew) it was a matter of jealousy. However, the NYCB needed Gordon for his conducting skills (more than his piano playing), and I knew that since Robert would no doubt retire in the near future, a knowledgeable conductor would be needed. Gordon fit that bill. What a dilemma! Betty knew and said I was a HUGE asset to the company, and that everyone (including Jerry Robbins) was very fond of me, except for Gordon. WELL!!! The result of all this, of course, was that I left the company, but not without incident. A lawyer friend of mine in whom I had confided, told me that I was absolutely within my rights to SUE the NYCB, naming Gordon Boelzner in particular, for sexual discrimmination in the workplace. He actually drew up the papers for such a lawsuit, and was ready to present it. He felt that since I was such a well-known and respected musician in NYC, that this would be an easy win. He was doubtlessly correct, but I couldn't wrap my head around SUING the New York City Ballet. I just could NOT do it. There was already a great deal of buzz about this situation in NYC's musical scene, even though it had not yet been reported that I was leaving the company. But somehow the news had gotten out, as it always does, and Barbara (who ordinarily would have been disturbed by all of this) was delighted, as she thought Gordon should get his just due. I had multitudes of phone calls, from newspaper reporters, and various others. When Jerry returned from Florida he hit the ceiling, and demanded that I be re-hired! Lincoln was irate...and challenged Gordon about his actions. He told everyone that 'those two men cannot handle this company's piano repertoire....we NEED Dianne!' Many of the company knew something of all this, but certainly not everyone. Mr. Balanchine, whom I visited in the hospital after my interview with Betty, told me that I "should not worry...deeeer. You will be fine...you are great pianist. Gordon has ONLY the NYCB." Well, thought I, that was all fine and good, but this was MY job! I said as much, and he again told me NOT to worry. I did ask for some compensation, which I received, as well as unemployment funds. Since I had decided NOT to sue the company, my next step was somewhat unclear. (Do you see what I mean about a MESS?) Hmmm. AND I did receive, not too much later, an offer to go to Geneva, Switzerland, and take a position as piano soloist with the company there....(it turned out that Mr. B was ALSO Artistic Director of the Company there...much to my surprise.) The Director of that Company (located at the the Grande Theatre de Geneve) was Patricia Neary, who had been a soloist with the NYCB. And I realized that a new life could commence there, if I so desired.
Since I was not at all sure of what I wanted, or would be doing, I decided to ask for letters of recommendation from Mr. Balanchine, Jerry Robbins, and Robert Irving. They were all very happy to comply, and since I had not made more of a mess (by suing the company, for example) I had no qualms about asking. I still have those letters....somehow Indiana University sent me all my letters of recommendation for some odd reason (an error, no doubt), and I am so glad they did.
Looking back at all of this, I can see even more reasons Gordon became so angry with me. For example, I was asked by Mr. B. to play the Ravel SONATINE for Jean-Pierre Bonnefous and Violette Verdy in a performance for the PRESIDENT of the United States, (Gerald Ford and his wife,) at the Hotel Pierre in the large Reception Hall. This was a very prestigious event, and I was delighted to be performing. I went with Mr. B in a large limousine, just the two of us, and I sat at one of the head tables with him, the President and First Lady! The dancers could not be present for the luncheon (which was before the performance), as they had to get ready...costumes, etc. But I could! In addition, we were all three paid very well for this performance, (Mr. B had negotiated all our fees!). I recall something like $2,000). When Gordon heard all the details, he was very upset, but then he didn't know the music, did he? I had played for the choreography and all the performances...not he. (I recall something very odd....the piano on which I performed was completely white! It was a Yamaha, but most pianos are black, so this made an impression on me.)
There were other instances, but you can get the general idea. My Carnegie Hall Recital was just the last straw for him!!! I recall Suzanne Farrell talking to me about all of it...(later in Monte Carlo). She thought Gordon was not well....he was hypo-glycemic, I believe, and gained a huge amount of weight after Mr. Balanchine passed. This was, of course, long after I had left, but perhaps she had a point.
Before moving to Europe, I had many job offers from various institutions, including American Ballet Theater, several universities in the area, and many opportunities to perform. Jerry Robbins had asked several conductor friends of his to call me..... which they did. Of course, all this activity was not lost on the 'powers that be' at the NYCB!
However, since I was now foot-loose and fancy free, so to speak, I opted to travel to Europe with my roommate, Clorinda de Stockalper, and not think about any of that drama. She was actually a countess, from a titled family in Switzerland, and invited me to go there with her and stay for a bit with her sister in Sion. Our trip, which also included Clo's mother, took us to Venice, where we stayed in a lovely old monastery---now converted to a hotel along the Grand Canal. I had never been to Europe (although my travels with the NYCB had taken me to various Russian cities, and Poland...but never Europe.) So I was looking forward very much to this trip.
I have to relate two unusual stories that occurred in this monastery/hotel: on the first morning, we were eating breakfast on the veranda outside. And what should happen...but a young woman and her fiance came over to our table and asked me if I were Dianne Chilgren!!! She explained that she had attended many performances of the NYCB and had heard me play there frequently. She also had attended my Alice Tully Hall Concert! Amazing! She had recognized me and wanted to say how much she had always enjoyed my playing these past few years! She had also read in the paper that I would be leaving the company, and said she was very sorry to hear that....saying she thought I would be greatly missed! Wow! I thanked her for her kind remarks...(I did not explain WHY I was leaving, of course.) The second odd story: my sleep was interrupted by a very LOUD voice calling my name! I got up and looked to see if Clorinda had heard anything, but she was fast asleep. So I went to the large window and sat down on the broad sill overlooking the Canal. Then the voice said in very stentorian tones: "Dianne, you will continue to work for George Balanchine, but it will not be in New York City." And that was all. It was if a curtain had been pulled aside for a moment to allow a glimpse of something, and then closed again. The next morning I told Clo about my experience.... and still had no idea whose voice that WAS! She said, "well, that must be what you are meant to do next." So upon returning to New York City from our fabulous trip I walked into my apartment, only to hear the phone ringing at that exact moment! It was Barbara Horgan. She said, "George wants you to go to Geneva to be Piano Soloist with that company (where he was Artistic DIRECTOR). If you are in agreement, we have a working visa ready for you and a plane ticket to Geneva." Then she asked me to come to her office the next day to pick these items up and discuss the proposition. !!!!! WELL!!!! I sat down on my sofa to ponder this surprising turn of events! It seems that Mr. Balanchine was Artistic Director of that company as well, something I did not know. And Patricia Neary was the Director of the Company (she was a former soloist with the NYCB). I did not know her, but did know her sister, Colleen.
It appeared that I was being directed to live in Switzerland....of that I was very sure. And in the snap of a finger, my life changed direction, and certainly, location! I would move to Geneva, then Zurich, and finally London (although, of course, I could not foresee any of those events.) I shall NEVER forget that voice, and in case anyone thinks I am balmy, well perhaps you have never experienced clairvoyant or clair audio happenings. This sort of thing has happened to me before, which is why I have always felt that my life was being directed by a force greater than myself. Somehow it is a very comforting feeling to realize that to be true!
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